A Fatal Choice
by The Queen Jenn
Summary: Light Yagami, also known as Kira, has found what he's been searching for: L's real name. Now he's found it, and is about to put it into the Death Note, but finds himself in an odd position: He can't. Why? Why can't Light do it? The one thing he's been after in front of his eyes, yet he can't do it. (Light x L) -Cover not mine- Rated T for light swearing (barely) First Story
1. Why?

**Hey there! I'm Jenn, as you probably know. This is my first story, a LiRa fanfic. (L x Light/Kira) Chapters will be added at random, though I will add them as soon as I can. Okay so, like I previously stated, this is my first fanfic, so lay off please. I'm getting enough crap from Liz ("What? Who's Liz?" Read my author's page if you're confused) Now then, I know this is not how it goes in the original anime, but this is a fanfic, so I can do what I want.**

 **Characters belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata, I'm just using them to annoy my friend, Liz ;3**

 **Well then, this is Jenn, signing off.**

 **~Enjoy**

 **-=()=-**

I've done it. Checkmate. _I've won_.

But- why? Why can't I kill him?

Why? Why _now_? Why is it that I can't kill him, my greatest enemy, the one thing holding me back from my utopia, L. Why? After months of searching for his name, while keeping undercover, I can't do it? Hesitation isn't something I'm used to. I've killed _hundreds,_ without the slightest hint of hesitation, or regret. Hell, some were even just to experiment. My goal this past year has been to take out L, I've killed criminals, agents, and officers alike, but him, I just can't do it. Of the billions of people in this ugly world, I can't kill this one individual? This _inevitable thorn_ in my side? I gaze down at my hands, and see I have everything I need.

The Death Note, L's real name, and a clear image of his face. But... _What_ is holding me back? What possible reason could I have for hesitating any further, for not taking the man's life and claiming what is rightfully mine. This utopia, this world, I'll rule this world with _him_ out of my way. Once L's out of the picture, I'm practically a god, they might as well take me to my throne this moment, but, I'll never reach the throne if I can't make this sacrifice.

I don't even think it can be called a _'sacrifice'_. I don't care for the man, what does it mean to me if he passes on? Nothing. Actually, the opposite. I'd care- care that I'd become god of this tainted earth. Only I can set things straight, onto the path of justice.

 _Justice_. This is my goal. Cleansing this miserable world of it's _fifth_ , it's injustice. Although my reasons are pure, I just can't defeat him, once and for all.

Have I really won? What is _winning_ , anyway? Winning- winning is defeating your opponent, and claiming victory. I am merely seconds away from my victory, yet I can't seem to put my pen on the paper. Is it because I am not _satisfied_ by how easy it was, is that it?

I sit up from my previous laying position, sighing at my own incompetence. "Hyuk, couldn't do it, could ya?" A particularly annoying _shinigami_ laughed.

"Dammit Ryuk... After all of this..." I stopped mid sentence, staring off into space.

"Hyuk, you humans are funny. _So oblivious_..." Ryuk chuckled, an apple is his right hand.

The beastly creature now had my attention. "And what's that supposed to mean?" I defend myself, in a slightly more agitated tone than I expected to use.

"Hmph. And I thought someone as _smart_ as you could've figured it out by now." Ryuk replied with a grunt, as he returned to his apple-devouring.

What could he be talking about? There is no logical reason why I can't simply _take_ the life of this man. It's everything I've strived for. I know one thing: He needs to be taken out, no matter what the circumstances. I've put this off far too long. I pick up my pen and begin writing. As I finish putting down the first name, my grip begins to weaken. Sighing, I re-find my grasp on the ballpoint pen, and continue to write. As I inscribed the first letter, my grip began to loosen again. Now I was mad. Taking the pen, I scribbled over his name, at least five times over. Turning my face up to the grinning shinigami, I say, "Go on."

"Y'know Light... Hating someone, still means you think about them a lot." Ryuk replied, with that dumb smirk on that _vulgar mug_ of his.

I replayed these words over and over in my mind. _Hating someone, still means you think about them a lot..._ Is that vile shinigami insinuating that I _care_ about that antisocial freak? Like hell. That freak show could go jump of a bridge for all I care- I may just write that in the Death Note. The only times I've ever thought about that oddball is when I think about putting him six feet under, which is a plan that will soon become reality. Laughing hysterically, I look back at Ryuk. "Are you serious?" I say, with another laugh following.

Ryuk gives me a humored look, I continue in a more serious tone, "Ryuk, I _don't_ swing that way."

Holding his gnarled claws in the air, Ryuk replies with, "I never said you did, Light." His gaze switches downward, as he continues, apple now in left claw, "Though you've never discussed your particular _feelings_ towards L." I stare at him in disbelief. As if I haven't shown this, and said this about a trillion times: He is the _bane_ of my existence.

"My _feelings_ towards L are simple, I _loathe_ him. My reason _living_ is to see him to his death bed." I glared at Ryuk, for even implying such a thing.

I could never have feelings for L. _Never._ My hatred for him is on a scale of its own. I loathe him with all of my being...

But... If this is true...

Why? Why can't I kill him?


	2. If Looks Could Kill

**Guess who's back? Yup it's me, Jenn. May I just say, thank you so much for continuing this fanfic, and a big thank you to those who posted a review (hint hint, nudge nudge). It's really fun to write, and I'll definitely doing posts as frequently as I can. Just letting you know, love you guys~ -Author's Note at the end-**

 **Once again, this is Jenn, signing off**

 **~Enjoy**

If looks could kill, L would already be _dead_ by now. I sit silently the security room, in close quarters to none other than _L_ , my main target. No matter how hard I'd tried the previous day, I couldn't write down that _goddamn_ name. On the subject of damned things, a rather annoying nuisance was floating directly above my head, chuckling to himself.

What _L_ was doing, I don't have the slightest clue- nor did I care. At this point, any subject concerning the stubborn creep was just plain annoying. The weirdo was simply, staring at the floor as if it were to explode or something. Glaring daggers at him, his eyes lift from the wooden floor boards, and his black eyes find mine. "Is something wrong, Light-kun?" L speaks, in a puzzled tone.

I hold my gaze to his, narrowing my eyes to slits, "Quite the contrary, Ryuzaki. Everything is just- _perfect_." I disclose, the last words spat out like acid. And with that, L's attention drifted elsewhere, his eyes back on the floor boards.

 _What is going on in that demented, little head of yours?_ What secrets do you hide away from the rest of the world? These thoughts drifted to my mind as I continued to focus on him. Why is it that all I can do is think of you, I dedicated my life to stopping you, to killing you. Just as I finally achieve what I need to accomplish this, I refuse. My hatred grows infinitely as I watch him staring at the wooden floors, so fixated on nothing. _What could be going on in there?_ _Is there something you see that I don't?_

Losing interest, my eyes drift upward, where I find Ryuk, with a grin so wide it barely fits his already huge face. I can tell he's about to say something, whenever he's got a grin like this he's bound to say something. "Something wrong, _Light-kun?_ " I roll my eyes at the shinigami. The damn bastard just loves to get on my case.

"I've got it." I pivot my head upward, to see L, I could almost read his mind in one word: Eureka. The other Kira investigators now face him too, curiosity shining in their eyes. "I think I've got an idea that will reveal Kira's identity." The faces of the other officers faces light up like a Christmas tree, the only one not seeming enthusiastic would be me, and L, though L never seems all that enthusiastic.

"What's the plan, Ryuzaki?" Matsuda inquiries, as I too await for L's answer. Little do they know, that the person they're looking for, is the person they're giving their information to. Besides, not like he could catch me anyway. There's no possible way for him to win, well, that will be true, when I finally write his damn name down in the Death Note.

"Well, this is less a 'plan' and more of a 'narrowing down subjects', Matsuda," L pauses, readying his explanation, "We'll do what I tried to do with Light-kun." I give him a hard look. Which thing? You've put me through test upon test, so many that I've lost count. "I see you're all confused." We all nod in reply. "First we narrow down the subjects to a few-"

"And how exactly are we to do _this_ , L." I narrow my eyes once again. My fuse today was short, and for some reason, L knew just how to light it.

"Cranky, Light-kun?" Ryuk begins to crack up. I shake my head, trying to get myself out of this fog. How I wanted to be rid of it. How I wanted to be rid of _him_. How I soon _will_ be rid of him. Once and for all.

"I have my ways, Light." L trailed off ominously. "Anyways, once we do this, I will slip him the name of another person. I understand we did it once, and it sort of worked, but, I still think we should try this." L urged, looking for the input of others around the room.

"I think it's a great idea." Aizawa chimes in, though I knew he only thought this because he had no ideas, so frankly any idea was a good one to him. L gives him a smile, gratitude shining in his eyes. If I've learned one thing about L, it's that he _hates_ to be wrong.

Oh, how I _can't wait_ to prove him wrong.

 **Hey guys! Sorry for the short chapter, and the long wait. Speaking of which, I will probably be putting up another chapter before New Year. PROBABLY. Do not, I repeat DO NOT count on it. I have been very busy this past month, but I will try to make this a regular weekly thing, try. No promises. I really enjoy writing and thank you to all those who have been reading, again sorry for the short chapter.**

 **~Love you guys!  
This is Jenn, signing off.**


	3. Damn Stupid

***Gasp* Wait wait wait… Am I…** _ **On time? Oh my god, I think I am… (Don't expect this much…)**_ **Well anyway; Hey! It's Jenn! I'm back for round three! Writing this is so much fun, and I am so thankful for the support. You know the funny thing? This all started as a joke, to annoy Liz, but now, I am really serious about this. If you like this story, make sure to leave a review, it's nice getting feedback on this story, and if you have any questions, you can always PM me.**

 **Well, it's Jenn, signing off (and yes I will be putting this every time)**

 **~Enjoy**

How could he be so... _Damn stupid_?

Look, I know L. This is something he'd _never_ do. L is never out of ideas, and at this point he'd _have to be_ to stoop to this. What is he _thinking_? Is he even thinking _at all_?

Better question, _why do I care_?

Before I found out the name, I would've given my right arm for it to be as easy as this. But for some reason, now it just seems to _piss me off_. I _can't stand it_. I've been hunting down that _damned name_ for a year, and now that I have it, he's stopped trying. _What a baby_. How childish of him, the minute I win, he quits, and he doesn't even know I've won!

It's truly unfair.

What else is unfair, I'm riding a bus, on the way to a school that I'm smart enough to be teaching, when I could have _conquered the world already_!

The old contraption, which is apparently, ehem, 'child safe', was currently being driven by the _worst driver in the history of driving_. And sadly, no, this is not an exaggeration. Though _this_ wasn't the worst part. No, the worst part is L, or 'Ryuzaki' as he wishes to be called. Going to the same school with him is the worst. And what's worse, oh yes, there is worse, he doesn't even know that I could _feel_ his gaze on me. He studied me from a distance, oh yes, I know. How do I know this? Well, it's only been the same pattern for the last two months.

He has been studying me for a while now. I'm sure he has enough information on my looks alone to write a book. He's always so confusing. What I wouldn't give to know what's on his mind.

Actually, I don't want to know.

No, the only thing I want that involves him is a funeral. _I don't care_ about all the equations, all the assumptions, or the possible case solutions he's got going on in that noggin of his. By the time he actually gets one that even has a chance, he'll be six feet under, I just need to make that happen.

 _But I can't_.

For some reason, I can't send that bastard down to hell.

Oh but when I do, _everything_ will change. No more looking over my shoulder, no more elaborate plans to hide my identity, everything will just be so simple.

Maybe that's why. I remember the time before Kira, everything was so simple. _Simple_. Is that it? Do I _not want_ to go back to that. No. That can't be the reason. If that were the reason, then why have I fought this hard? Why did I fight so hard to overcome this challenge when, I knew when I won, I'd go back to simple.

 _I don't want to go back_.

L is my challenge, yet, I don't think I want to overcome it. I _can't_. If that's the reason, why do I hold on to this challenge, when I've overcome so many others.

 _What makes him so special?_

 **Yes yes, I know… This chapter is** _ **a bit**_ **shorter than the last one… But hey! I got it in on time! Thank you for reading this story, it's been really fun to write.**

 **I think I turned Light into a tsundere… Oh god.**

 **~Love you guys, and have a very happy New Year!**

 **This is Jenn, signing off.**


	4. Be Back Soon!

**Hey guys. I'm sorry but I'll be off for a while. I will be back after a short hiatus, update date pending but I hope you guys will understand. I love you guys**

 **This is Jenn, signing off.**


	5. Happy To Oblige

**Hey guys! I guess I was back earlier than I thought I was, but anyways, I'm back for round four! By the way, until this fanfic is over, I will not be writing additional stories. Sorry, I will get around to those once "A Fatal Choice" is finished. So anyways, I hope you like this, and if you do, don't forget to leave a review! (Seriously, not even a tenth of the people who read this, leave a review)**

 **This is Jenn, signing off**

 **~Enjoy**

You know, sometimes I simply _can't stand_ being me. Just one of those days, where you just hate the world, and everything in it. Let me tell you, ever since I got L's name, it's been one of those days.

So here I am, on the school rooftop, with a rice ball in my left hand. My frustration was beginning to take its toll, I could see that, due to my desperate need to _crush_ said rice ball between my fingers. _Crumple it_ , toss it to the ground and kick it. Damn L, somehow he _always_ manages to best me, and this time he was completely unaware!

This was all too much, the pressure, the strategies, the _thrill_. I need a break. No, I don't need a break, I need to _win_. I've had just about enough of L. That damned smile he has on his face whenever he comes up with some _pointless_ plan to catch me, and he doesn't even know who he's after, yet still, he manages to beat me.

Well, at least one thing's for sure, if it's simple that I wanted to get rid of, I sure as hell _did_. I need to calm down, if someone saw me up here, they'd surely have questions, especially if it was a certain ebony-haired freak showed up. I'm _most definitely not_ in the mood for that.

Letting out a sigh, I set myself down against the railing along the edge of the building, a box with the half-crumpled rice ball on my right side. No longer hungry, I pushed the small box away, then placed my hands behind my head, leaning against the railing for support.

The day wasn't so bad, not that I paid much attention anyway. I know the answers like the back of my hand, all of this was _childsplay_ compared to being Kira. Hell, I'm probably smart enough to teach at the damn school. The one thing I _don't know_ is why I still bother to come here. If I could just write the name down. Simple, ha, as if. I don't think I'd mind simple that much anymore. I mean, I knew that once I accomplished that's where I'd be, but it'd still be _different_. _Very different._ Instead of being known as 'the scholar student' or 'the smart one', I'll be known as 'God almighty to these miserable humans'. This world needs a God, and I'm happy to oblige.

 **Sorry it was so short, I wanted to get one in as fast as I could. Anyways, a new chapter will be in soon, as soon as possible. Just making sure you guys at least got** _ **something**_ **. Hey, something's better than nothing, right?**

 **~Anyways, as always, love you guys!  
This is Jenn, signing off.**


	6. Have You Ever Been In Love?

**I'm back! Whew, back in six days… (I really thought I wasn't gonna make the next chapter within a week…) Sorry about the shortness of the last chapter, I needed to make sure you guys got something after the ridiculously long wait. Anyways… Here's your next chapter, we're finally making a little progress to LiRa!(I thought the day would never come)**

 **This is Jenn, signing off**

 **~Enjoy**

 _Great_... _Just Great._

I'm sitting here, with none other than my _favorite_ person, discussing none other than my _favorite_ subject;

Catching me.

It's so _frustrating_ , watching L attempt to catch Kira, as he tries to decipher my every move. My god, sometimes I just want to scream out ' _You were right! It's me!'_ just to see the look on his face. The subtle change of emotions, the transition of _eureka_ to _fear_ as he realizes my next move. _The end of the line_ \- for him at least.

So sad to see, he's so close to the answer, the final piece of the puzzle he has so desperately searched for, yet so far away. And it's all thanks to my sheer brilliance. _Expertly_ , I lead him away from the conclusion, practically flipping the board, making him have to replace the pieces and put them all back together, but this time, he won't have a chance to get that close again. No, never again. Although I know he's still a bit suspicious of me, - not that he's keeping it a secret... He openly states it to me at least twice a day - I've made sure there is no possible way to trace it back to me. As I've said before;

 _Checkmate._

I've taken out all of his pawns, and _trapped his king_. With two little words, I'll win this _war_ he's _waged_ , the game he's played, a game in which he could _never win_... No, I've rewritten the rules and called it _mine_. This game of chess has been _redefined_.

"Light-kun" L tore me from my train of thought.

I look up at him, surprised at his tone. He seemed serious, but not his usual serious. More expressive, unlike his usual nonchalant tone. "Yes, Ryuzaki?" I reply with slight uncertainty.

He turned his face away, with the slightest tint of pink in his cheeks. Was that blush I saw? "I have some questions to ask you."

I sigh, and give him an annoyed look. "How many times do I have to tell you, Ryuzaki? I'm not Kir-"

"Have you ever been in love?"

I stop dead in my tracks. "H-huh?" There was so much red in my cheeks I could feel it.

"It's a simple question." L replies, regaining both his posture, and his neutral tone.

Trying to force a laugh, I reply in a more nervous tone than I intended, "Y-you're messing with me. What does this have to do with catching Kira?" Managing to dodge the question, I avert my gaze back to the victims of Kira's - or should I say _my_ \- recent killings.

"It has everything to do with catching Kira. A man's motivation is equivalent to a man's work." L counters, his full attention on me. I could see a glint of curiosity in his eyes.

"Well uh..." L just grows more confusing by the day. Seriously, what does he have to gain from this? I can't wrap my mind around it. What goes on in that twisted little head is beyond me.

"Have you? I mean, of course, you have miss Amane." Ha, as if. As if I'd ever love her. When Misa isn't using her eyes, she just gets in my way. Frankly, her idiocy annoys me.

"Yeah, sure. Misa's- _great_ " I reply, but that answer didn't seem to satisfy L. As if anything will.

He frowned at my response, furrowing his brow in frustration. "I didn't ask if she was _great_ , I asked if you _love_ her."

I don't understand what he's getting at. "Does it really _matter_ right now? What's all this ' _being motivated_ ' stuff? Of course I'm motivated!" Snapping back, I defended myself, returning his stare.

L raised an eyebrow, "I don't quite understand your motivation, Light-kun. Any normal teenager would prefer to have a life. Very suspicious..." L noted, a questioning look on his face.

Scoffing, I return this with, "Is it so wrong for a teenager to demand justice in this world? Don't lump me with the rest of them." L wasn't getting answers out of me, that's for sure. I've already spent enough time holding off on his death, but now he's trying to get information out of me? Ha, as if I'd fall for this.

"Though this wasn't the _initial question_ , Light-kun." L points out, looking at me with another one of those questioning stares.

"I guess, this will stay another _unsolved mystery_." Smirking, I return the stare with the same persistent, letting him know I wasn't giving in.

L sighs and turns to the victim list, "Fair enough." He gives a disappointed response.

What could L have to gain from this? I couldn't figure it out... Why would he want to know something as trivial as this?

 **I haven't had a chapter as long as this since the first chapter! I'm going to try and make the chapters longer, give you guys a little more since you guys deserve it ^-^. Now, we're finally getting somewhere… I don't know how long it's going to get to** _ **there**_ **,** **but, this is a good start. Anyways, if you liked it, leave a review, I love hearing your feedback :D**

 **~Love you guys so much!**

 **This is Jenn, signing off.**


	7. Lunch Date

**Hey guys! It's Jenn! As you can probably tell I am trying to do a chapter every week or so, to make sure I don't fall into that whole "I say it's on hiatus- but I'm actually never posting again, thing". I know you guys don't want me to quit this fanfic, and believe me, that is the LAST thing I want to do. Heck, that's not even on the list of things I want to do. Balancing this fanfic and school is hard, but I do it because I love you guys :) and you're worth it.**

 **This is Jenn, signing off.**

 **~Enjoy**

My current situation: _completely unknown_.

L has just grown _more_ and _more_ unpredictable. Even so, that the little weirdo had to drag me here, to some restaurant. It wasn't much, little place, dimly lit, with a- what's the word... "Homey" feel to it. Not many other people were among us, really only couples, small families, this was odd for him. L had told me he was treating me here, although his reasoning was beyond me. I _half expected_ military soldiers busting through the windows, pointing guns and lethal weapons straight at me. Due to this, every other minute or so, my eyes would drift off towards the large glass panes which took up most of the entrance, just to be safe.

What was most _unclear_ was what L decided to label this event:

A " _Lunch Date_ ".

The previous day, which was about a week before L had asked me the- " _strange question_ ", he had asked me to meet him here- in front of the other officers, I might add, using that particular term. Ryuk, had of course started laughing hysterically, yet of course, took a halt once he'd figured out what I'd have done next.

 _Threaten his apple supply_.

The other Kira investigators had vastly different reactions, you could see the " _why not me?_ "'s or the, " _they get to have all the fun_..."'s on their faces. Jealous, they quite obviously were, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't _revel_ in it.

A waitress in standard uniform, dropped by our table, pulling me from my daze. "Can I start you gentlemen off with some drinks?"

"I'd like a Stash green chai tea, please." L responded, in a nonchalant tone, as said waitress now faced me.

"And what about you, sir?"

"I'll just take a water," I respond, in an equally _expressionless_ tone as the one L used.

"Coming right up," The waitress sauntered over to the kitchen, where I could no longer view her. I decided to take a look at the menu, I didn't have much else to do, other than stare at the windows, awaiting my imminent doom. My eyes redirected themselves onto L, where I discovered his had _never left me_. Mine narrowed into slits, as his ebony met my onyx.

"That's it. Start talking," I say, eyes completely fixated on his.

"Maybe if you ask in a bit more of a kind tone, _Light-kun?"_ I could hear the amusement in his voice. The damned brat knew _precisely_ what I was asking for. As always, L had to leave me in the dark, and be confusing as hell. I guess after this year, I should be used to this. Even though, I only wanted a simple explanation, L just won't give it to me. Now he was never a get-to-the-point kind of guy, but this, no, I need an explanation, and that's exactly what I'll get.

"Okay, I'll play along," I pause, "Can you explain to me why you brought me here?" In a nice tone, I say with a bit of edge in my voice. L has stalled long enough, I need my damn answer.

"Why not wait for the food to be served?" L smiled as I internally groaned in frustration. I knew he wasn't going to settle for anything else. If L was one thing, stubborn would be it.

"...Fine." I reluctantly give in, as the waitress returns, this time, with a large silver tray with both a tea-cup and a large glass atop, balancing on it. She places both down in front of us, as she pulls out a notepad and pen.

"Are the two of you ready to order? Also, might I suggest tonight's special, Matsusaka gyū karē?" She offered, as I looked over my choices. I didn't really look at the menu, and honestly the only thing I want is answers, not to waste more time with looking over a damn piece of laminated paper.

"I'll take the special, ma'am," L spoke up before I had the chance.

I clear my throat, "I'd like that too, please." I say, as the waitress had turned to me. She took merely a second more and finished writing.

"It'll be out in a minute," She had swiveled around, and left in the direction she had returned from.

"Well then," L began to speak again, eyes now back to me, "What shall we do while we wait?" L queried, smiling as he knew what I was going to suggest.

"How about you explain?" I proposed, as L shook his head.

"Now, now, Light-kun. Good things come to those who wait." Frowning, I took a sip from the glass beside me. I'm as impatient as ever. Usually, I never got this frustrated, at the very least, never showed it. Before I got his name, I was always calm, cool, not feeling under any stress. Yet for some reason, when I got what was supposed to lift my stress, it only worsened it.

"Ugh... Fine." I gave him another one of those killer looks. This stalling for god knows why was getting annoying, but I guess I'll have to deal with it for now, L was not going to give in, this was a fact. When L wants something, he will do everything in his power to get it. This I knew for sure.

L looked deep into my eyes, as if he were searching for something. His piercing gaze would not leave mine, and I was taken aback. This was getting slightly odd, I narrowed my eyes to match his, and he opened his mouth to speak, "Do you know why I brought you here, Light?"

I laughed, "It's only been what I've been trying to figure out the entire time."

"All I want is to ask a few questions..." L uttered, not wanting to be heard by the others.

 **Ooh cliffhanger! Listen, I tried, my best, to get a decent fancy-ish (not really fancy, but you know what I mean) japanese food. (warning: I do not know many.) Also I need to apologize. I meant to put up a chapter yesterday, but it was my little brother's birthday so I could not come online and post it. Thank you for being so considerate and not blaming me, I really try to get chapters up for you guys to read as much as possible. Just know, you guys are my top priority. 3**

 **~You guys are the best!**

 **This is Jenn, signing off.**


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